To Dakota and Back Again by Scotto Baggins

What was simply to be time with family and friends, bookended by a couple airplane rides, turned out to be a whole lot more. Turns out, it was a chance to see my old self from a new perspective. One thing I noticed was my ability now to feel anger. That's not to say that I noticed each time I was angry, but I did notice sometimes. That is a huge win for me, and I feel proud.

What usually happened was, I would stuff my feelings that I didn't want to feel. They would get buried deep inside me, and stay there. Until now. Now I'm doing something about it, choosing to feel that anger, or sadness, or shame creeping in as well. I'll write more about this later.

I feel a bit like Frodo Baggins in Lord of the Rings. The victory for me in facing my feelings is akin to Frodo's victory in facing the darkness that threatened all the inhabitants of middle Earth. The darkness Frodo faced in his enemies is like that of my darkness, my hidden feelings that get stuffed. I must face my feelings, and feel them. In so doing, I win the battle for middle earth in my self, and allow more of the real me to come out.

Battling in this way sounds scary. But, as a dear friend recently said, "What's so scary about having feelings?" I feel better already!