Choose Joy
It's amazing how a fresh perspective on things can offer new thoughts and lead to new feelings about old subjects. During my recent days, as I have had time to think, something has occurred to me. I would call it a new awakening.
I've been reading lately, something I didn't take time much time for during the Nature's Classroom session. The thing that keeps being impressed upon me is "patience." Slugs were the first clue I started to catch. If you will look earlier on this blog you'll see a photo I took of a slug on my hand.
The slugs were everywhere. There were other messengers as well, but the pace and life of a slug was a great teacher for me at this juncture. The lessons I learned have helped me move beyond much of my sadness about the break-up with Kate, and to appreciate my current life at camp, and dating Lisa. That message was to slow down. The thing I understand now that I didn't before is how impatient I was about my life, my work, my situation.
Moving to Cleveland, I imagined I would have the world by a string, that I would "make it there," as Frank Sinatra sang. It wasn't New York, but I did make it. Barely. It didn't happen in the way I hoped it would, and I was bummed and it showed. I've come to understand now that I was basically trying to grab everything I ever thought I wanted all at once. The great relationship, the perfect woman, kids, great job, living the high life in the city, making lots of money, doing everything I wanted, going to Europe, becoming this person.
You can imagine the strain I put myself under by wanting it all to be mine all at once. Each time something didn't go my way, I tried harder with the relationship, tried harder to please her. The pressure mounted beyond my limit.
And when it ended, I was feeling lousy, feeling like I had failed, and continued to fail as I realized all these things did not come true that I wished. Until now. Now, I accept that I am good just as I am, that my life is perfect and where I need to be, and that there is no need to rush into anything. Now, the perfect thing is to choose my own joy, and let my heart guide me to what I love.
I've been reading lately, something I didn't take time much time for during the Nature's Classroom session. The thing that keeps being impressed upon me is "patience." Slugs were the first clue I started to catch. If you will look earlier on this blog you'll see a photo I took of a slug on my hand.
The slugs were everywhere. There were other messengers as well, but the pace and life of a slug was a great teacher for me at this juncture. The lessons I learned have helped me move beyond much of my sadness about the break-up with Kate, and to appreciate my current life at camp, and dating Lisa. That message was to slow down. The thing I understand now that I didn't before is how impatient I was about my life, my work, my situation.
Moving to Cleveland, I imagined I would have the world by a string, that I would "make it there," as Frank Sinatra sang. It wasn't New York, but I did make it. Barely. It didn't happen in the way I hoped it would, and I was bummed and it showed. I've come to understand now that I was basically trying to grab everything I ever thought I wanted all at once. The great relationship, the perfect woman, kids, great job, living the high life in the city, making lots of money, doing everything I wanted, going to Europe, becoming this person.
You can imagine the strain I put myself under by wanting it all to be mine all at once. Each time something didn't go my way, I tried harder with the relationship, tried harder to please her. The pressure mounted beyond my limit.
And when it ended, I was feeling lousy, feeling like I had failed, and continued to fail as I realized all these things did not come true that I wished. Until now. Now, I accept that I am good just as I am, that my life is perfect and where I need to be, and that there is no need to rush into anything. Now, the perfect thing is to choose my own joy, and let my heart guide me to what I love.
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