The Game
In recent years I recall saying to friends "I'm going to be alright." Usually those words would come after tears, after a sob talk with some very patient friend. Whether it was a breakup, or the loneliness of being far from family and friends, "I'm going to be alright" was often said because there was doubt that necessitated that statement. The doubt hung like a storm cloud in my mind. Was I going to be alright? Would I overcome the pain?
Feeling that deep fear and confusion was painful. These fears were made of many ideas. My need for women to make me feel good, for a thought of them to make me feel good, was one of the toughest ideas for me to observe about myself. This is about awareness, and I'm quite aware of this habit now.
The growth will come in learning to be self sufficient, staying inside myself, not always seeking approval and energy from others. The worries have come mostly from believing that something was wrong, that I was really missing life, that I had really messed up. And that was based on comparing my life with friends' lives. But I see I've just been giving me this time for learning and personal growth. What a fun and interesting game!
Feeling that deep fear and confusion was painful. These fears were made of many ideas. My need for women to make me feel good, for a thought of them to make me feel good, was one of the toughest ideas for me to observe about myself. This is about awareness, and I'm quite aware of this habit now.
The growth will come in learning to be self sufficient, staying inside myself, not always seeking approval and energy from others. The worries have come mostly from believing that something was wrong, that I was really missing life, that I had really messed up. And that was based on comparing my life with friends' lives. But I see I've just been giving me this time for learning and personal growth. What a fun and interesting game!
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