I Have Been Gone
It seems like I've been gone a while from this page, from writing. It's Thursday today, a day when I spend less time working than usual. Days without a lot of things to do are great for me. I love the free time, the openness of choosing. Freedom, it's a wonderific thing.
Today focus has been on yesterday, the work, the feelings. My guess is that I'm trying to process the feelings and everything that happened to learn from it, because I didn't get much chance yesterday.
My yesterday schedule (1). Tutoring 10 to 11:30 (2). Office time at Funutation, computer education gig 1:00 to 3:15 (3). Restaurant, 4:00 to 10:30.
The hardest part about yesterday was being frustrated with my stomach and not being able to do anything about it at the time. I was hard on myself then, probably quite judgmental, and just not fun to be with. My stomach has given me problems for a long time, and I have gotten to a breaking point with that issue. Something must be done, and by me. Nobody else to do it for me. There's nobody else that can make me feel good but me.
Issues with my stomach are two fold - emotions that get repressed often end up in my stomach causing pain and something that feels like blockage, and it seems for now that I have some sort of food reaction. My thinking is that this could be related to emotional issues as well. More life research to be done.
Part of my frustration comes with my thought that my fast'/cleanse would help me clear some of these things up. That didn't happen the way I hoped. However, I am getting a sense that some foods are problematic. When my stomach was cleared out during the fast, I didn't have the usual stomach ache stuff. Then, when I started eating again, I could notice what foods were causing me problems because I was starting from a zero discomfort level.
The restaurant was super busy for one hour last night, and I was running food. I made some mistakes, and typical of the day, they snowballed and I was hard on myself. That led to more mistakes and more difficulty with the job. When I'm good with me, to me, then the mistake would not have snowballed...and the learning continues.
Today focus has been on yesterday, the work, the feelings. My guess is that I'm trying to process the feelings and everything that happened to learn from it, because I didn't get much chance yesterday.
My yesterday schedule (1). Tutoring 10 to 11:30 (2). Office time at Funutation, computer education gig 1:00 to 3:15 (3). Restaurant, 4:00 to 10:30.
The hardest part about yesterday was being frustrated with my stomach and not being able to do anything about it at the time. I was hard on myself then, probably quite judgmental, and just not fun to be with. My stomach has given me problems for a long time, and I have gotten to a breaking point with that issue. Something must be done, and by me. Nobody else to do it for me. There's nobody else that can make me feel good but me.
Issues with my stomach are two fold - emotions that get repressed often end up in my stomach causing pain and something that feels like blockage, and it seems for now that I have some sort of food reaction. My thinking is that this could be related to emotional issues as well. More life research to be done.
Part of my frustration comes with my thought that my fast'/cleanse would help me clear some of these things up. That didn't happen the way I hoped. However, I am getting a sense that some foods are problematic. When my stomach was cleared out during the fast, I didn't have the usual stomach ache stuff. Then, when I started eating again, I could notice what foods were causing me problems because I was starting from a zero discomfort level.
The restaurant was super busy for one hour last night, and I was running food. I made some mistakes, and typical of the day, they snowballed and I was hard on myself. That led to more mistakes and more difficulty with the job. When I'm good with me, to me, then the mistake would not have snowballed...and the learning continues.
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