She and He

At first he wanted to cry. And then he did. But after the tears, it took no more than two minutes for him to start realizing she was right. Why shouldn't she have left him? And in reality, wasn't it he who had physically driven away? Wasn't he the one who needed to go off in search of something? He did drive away. He did search. And it seems he found something. What exactly remains to be seen, but he could recognize a few things floating in the heat of his heart. Clarity was something she brought to him, or helped him see. She was a great teacher like that. She helped him see that she and he were not in agreement on certain things and they were key things to both. Spiritual things. Religion, or the lack thereof for him. Lifestyle differences, like her freedom, were major issues. She said she finally felt "space" around her. 2000 miles will do that for a relationship. She just kept saying "I'm good right now." And he knew what she meant. But why couldn't he have said it before her? If he had prepared for this moment, even, it wouldn't have hurt nearly as much. And in fact, he had prepared. But his heart forgot to tell his mind. Or, his mind forgot to check it's messages. Either way, the mind still believed in what she had said months before. When two people love each other they look for ways to work things out, to make it happen. That's where his mind was, while his heart knew a long time ago. Maybe that's why he didn't cry too much.

And he shifted. He moved to that place of knowing. He got help from the reality guru, Byron Katie. And he's in the place where he knows there was love, is love for her. It's independent of her view on love. He's perfectly okay with loving her, telling her, even while she has shut that part down, he thinks. He does not begrudge these feelings. Acceptance. That's more like it. She shouldn't want him because she doesn't.

He knows her gift to him. He didn't want to make the choice that she did. She did the "heavy lifting." She gave him the gift of truth and it has sparked knowledge leading to clarity and freedom. What a great teacher and friend she is to him. And he is filled with love and greatfulness for her. "Love is amazing," he thinks.